Some things I wonder…

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Her sweet teacher, Ms. Lisa
Her sweet teacher, Ms. Lisa

Before I share what’s on my mind lately, I wanted to update those of you who are following Lindsay and don’t already know how things have gone since my last post.  First, she did start preschool the day after her third birthday, and it has been wonderful! We feel very fortunate to have such loving ladies loving our girl.  She seems very happy; and I am sure if she could talk, she would say the same! Her sweet teacher, Ms. Lisa, is kind enough to send me texts with pictures and videos letting me know what Lindsay is working on and how she is doing from day to day.  (She did have to be out this past week due to sickness, but we hope by Monday she’ll be back to her normal, happy self!)  She has continued going to physical therapy and speech at Pediatric Therapies on Tuesdays and physical therapy only on Thursdays.

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Now, back to our regularly scheduled program… ;-). I do a lot of thinking/wondering, partly because I have difficulty sleeping and mostly because I am just curious by nature. So I thought, “Why not share some of my random thoughts with you?” We’re friends, right?! 🙂 Obviously, most questions are rhetorical, some are deeper than others, and some are just funny. (At least to me. Just play along! ) And, I just cannot be serious all of the time.  It’s part of how I cope and survive!

Something that keeps coming up lately in my head is wondering why, if doctors/scientists can create new hands/feet/body parts for people, can they not create a chromosome 18(q) and give it to my girl? And furthermore, how does one tiny piece of missing chromosome have such an impact on so many functions of the body? Man, I still hope and pray for the day that all of the children who have missing chromosomes could just get what they’re missing. Too much to ask?

This next one is kind of a big deal to me. Why do some people not get sarcasm? I mean, it’s my first language. (I warned you not everything will be so serious!) I come from a long line of sarcastic people, so it fortunately/unfortunately just comes naturally to me!  Now, I’m not referring to being “mean,” but more of a “dry” sense of humor.  People who just get it are my kind of people!  Nothing’s much more awkward than when you’ve said something that is meant to be funny/sarcastic, and the other person thinks you are completely serious.  Ninety percent of the time, I’m not! Let’s all lighten up a little! 🙂

Can someone please explain to me how children who come from the SAME parents can be so very different? My brother and I have always been almost as different as can be, but I notice differences even more in my own children.  My boys, who are twins, could not be any more different.  Other than obvious physical differences, their personalities are completely opposite.  Carter is our “clown,” always doing or saying something to make us laugh.  On the other hand, he is very sensitive and serious about the things he values.  Cason, however, is more of the “rule follower,” and definitely is a people pleaser.  Like his mother, unfortunately, he fits a LOT of stubborn into his forty-something pounds!  (As soon as he figures out that I’ve had much more practice than he has, we should be okay!)

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As unique as my boys are in their personalities and interests, they share a common admiration for Lindsay.  Not a day goes by that they don’t try to do something to make her laugh!  As they are getting older and realizing some of her present limitations, they have become more aware of others in the world around them who may have extra difficulties as well. That cannot be anything but a blessing.  Last night as Lindsay was MAD and crying about not feeling good, Cason sweetly said, “Lindsay, when you’re mad, I’m mad. When you’re sad, I’m sad. And, when you’re happy, I’m happy!” One day on the way to church, Carter said, “You know, I think everyone has special needs.  It’s like we all have something that doesn’t fit inside our bodies.”  Such empathy and wisdom from some eight year olds.

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I found this in the hall outside of Cason’s classroom. Hit me right in the gut.

Not everyone will understand my next question, but, where have all the manners gone?  I don’t know if it’s just a southern thing, but we were raised to say, “Yes Ma’am,” “No Sir,” “Please,” and “Thank You!” I don’t think I can recall the last time I was in a store that the person working there actually said, “Thank you!”  Maybe it shouldn’t be such a big deal, but is it really that hard?  When I taught third graders, I would work all year with them on using their manners. It is possibly just my preference, but a “Yeah,” “No,” or “Huh?,” is just never going to sound as nice.  Manners go a long way!

That reminds me of my next question.  When I am at the grocery store with Lindsay and have filled up my cart with groceries, why does it make any sense for the employee to then put all my groceries in another cart after scanning them?  It would be different if said employee were planning to actually help take my cart out to the car, but they have absolutely no plans to do so! So I find myself every. single. time. nicely asking the lady/gentleman if it would be okay to put the groceries back in the cart that is carrying my daughter.  (This is only after a few times of my pushing TWO carts out to the car and deciding it wasn’t so much fun.)

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On the more serious side, I so often wonder what Lindsay is thinking? Of all of the “she may nevers” we heard from the doctor when she was explaining her diagnosis to us, the one about her possibly not ever talking affected me the most.  I want her to talk to me. I want her to tell me what she likes and what she doesn’t.  I want her to say my name, her daddy’s name, her brothers’ names.  I want her to tell me what she wants to do today or what she would like to eat.  I want her to tell me what she likes to wear. For now though, she tells me what she wants through her smiles, laughs, squeals, and babbling.  (For the past week, she has been strongly vocalizing that she does not feel well and has an ear infection. :-()

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Waiting on the dr. Not feeling great at all.
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Pretty sure “Buela” sang every song she knew twice while we waited!
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If we could just bring a roll of that paper home with us!

Okay, reading that one aloud to Chip made me have tears, so we need to lighten up a little!  I cannot be alone in wondering why on earth it is so painful to actually unload a dishwasher or put away folded laundry? If you really think about it, neither job takes a whole lot of time to actually do; however, I JUST CANNOT!!! I wash clothes every day because, well, I have a lot of people in my house who wear a lot of clothes every day.  Washing and folding them is not the problem.  Luckily, I am a genius, and I am teaching the boys how to do it “my way” a little at a time. 😉 (By the time I teach them how to iron and unload dishes without breaking them, they will hopefully have happy wives some day. Of course they will not need to date until at least age 40, so I’ve got time.)

Another important question I feel we need to discuss is why we hate taking naps as children, but it might possibly be my favorite thing as an adult?!  I was at least fortunate enough that my boys took some form of a nap up until kindergarten.  It was fantastic!  These days, however, they will not even consider the idea.  Even if they have had a sleepover or just stayed up way too late and certainly could benefit from one, they will NOT nap.  On the off chance that they do, I can go ahead and call the doctor.  They are most definitely sick!!  Lindsay is another story altogether.  Her sleep patterns have always been unexplainable.  She may not nap for days and then take a four hour nap one day.  I’ve been known to get up in the middle of the night and just find her sitting up in her bed happy and playing.  From what I have learned, apparently a lot of children with chromosomal abnormalities also have sleep issues.  Good times.  Can somebody please put me in “time-out” so I can have a nap?

So, while some of my questions are serious and some less-so, I appreciate your letting me ask them “out loud.” The biggest question of all, is why God would send His perfect son as a sacrifice for me, a sinner? Why does He love us all so much when we openly disobey and disappoint Him daily? Why does He love me enough to let me wrestle with my feelings of disappointment, uncertainty in His plan, and outright anger sometimes?  All I know is He loves me, He loves us all, infinitely more than I can even love my own children. I cannot even imagine that, but it is true.  I also know that I will get to ask Him all of these questions face to face one day, and I promise I will use my manners!

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

Until next time…

Laura